“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” - Anais Nin
When I started kindergarten, there was one classmate in particular whose friendship I sought out. She had a wildness about her, an urge to be daring. We sang made-up songs in her pink bedroom in front of a pretend audience. We formed a secret club. And, since she lived four whole blocks away, it was an adventure just to walk to her house. When I became her friend, a new world was born in me.
A few years later, preparing for my 8th birthday party, I told my mom that I wanted to send an invitation to the new kid in school. The girl came to my slumber party and was the last guest to leave. She and I had an easy, joyful connection and started our own detective agency within a week. Again, a new world was born.
When I was fourteen, I took a summer acting class and was very serious about it. Another girl in the class was equally serious and we spent the first few days sizing each other up. When we finally struck up a private conversation, we spoke candidly about the special bond between us. A few weeks later, I tagged along on her family vacation to Panama City. Our friendship was immediately big and important to both of us.
It’s within the worlds of childhood friendship where I did a lot of growing up and learning about life. Spending time in other people’s homes, I witnessed the varying dynamics between husbands and wives, between wealth and poverty, between spoken rules and unspoken ones. Within those friendship worlds is where I learned that Santa isn’t real, that girls are ashamed of their bodies, and that some parents hit their kids. I learned about sexuality from the cable television we watched when adults weren’t around. I learned that peer pressure made me do things I didn’t want to do. I learned how to keep a secret.
Within those worlds of childhood friendship is also where I expanded my sense of self outside of school and family. I learned how to manage my complex feelings and to talk about them. I learned how to have giddy fun. Within those worlds, I tasted new foods, tried on different clothes, fell in love with movies and rock ‘n roll, developed my own brand of humor, and fantasized aloud about the future. Within those worlds, I came to understand my uniqueness as a person by recognizing the uniqueness of each friend.
Decades have gone by and I can still locate those childhood friendship worlds in me. They take up space alongside the many friendship worlds that were formed during adulthood. As Walt Whitman said, I contain multitudes.
Every friendship has its own story, its own feel, its own language. Some friendships have nicknames, inside jokes, a musical soundtrack, and plenty of memories. Some friendships are smaller in scope but they take up space nonetheless. The woman who I shared a stage and dressing room with in 2005 will always be my friend, even if our paths never cross again.
I like the phrase “making friends with someone.” It implies that something tangible is being formed, something that wasn’t there before.
The incredible thing about making new friends and growing new worlds is that it continues to happen throughout our lives. My inner ecosystem is bursting with friendship worlds and yet it has room for more.
Every friend knows me in a way that no one else does. And I know every friend in a way that no one else does. Within (and because of) the world of each friendship, I have become more of myself and, I hope, added to each friend’s becoming.
That’s just amazing, isn’t it? That we walk around all day with friend worlds inside us and that there are more waiting to be born.
Beautiful and true!!!Thanks for the reminder of all the woirlds we carry within our selves.
What an inspiring, heartening post!