non-religious ritual

I had the honor of officiating a memorial service last week and was given specific instruction by the family to make it non-religious. I’ve officiated several non-religious weddings as well. Some of them, like that memorial service, were actually held in a chapel.

Religion, to many people, is associated with hypocritical dogma, ignorance, fear, judgment, and even abuse. I understand the strong desire to stay away from anything that smells of religion if you have those associations.

So why am I, an interfaith minister and spiritual director, asked to officiate an occasion that is emphatically non-religious? Could it be that a completely secular person wouldn’t suffice?

Though there was no “God language” or prayer in any of those ceremonies, there was (undeniably) the presence of grace, ritual, and reverence. There were even moments of blessings upon the deceased (or the betrothed as the case may be) from those who had gathered.

Perhaps the self-proclaimed non-religious folks can take back some of that religious vernacular for themselves. For, if love is present, if the intention is to honor one of life’s extraordinary transitions, is that not a sacred occasion? Is that not ritual?

The first candles I lit were inside a church as a child. And now, whenever and wherever I light a candle, I do so reverently. It’s a simple ritual, the lighting of a candle, that offers a moment of connection. That connection could be to people who’ve come before, to a deeper part of yourself, or to something greater than yourself, regardless of what you call that something greater.

What do you consider to be a non-religious ritual? What gives you a feeling of reverence?

my favorite candleholder, made in Kenya out of soapstone, called “Unity”