the relief of being seen

“I look; morning to night I am never done with looking.

Looking I mean not just standing around, but standing around

As though with your arms open.” ― Mary Oliver

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**The audio recording of this Morton Train is available to paid subscribers here.**

I was shopping at Trader Joe’s on the Upper West Side a few weeks ago, winding my way through the crowded store and grabbing my few desired items and chucking them into a red basket. I paused for a moment to read the ingredients of egg noodles, resting the basket on the ledge of the refrigerated aisle, when a man approached me.

“Can I ask you something?” he said. I was startled so, admittedly, my first impulse was to say, “I’m in a hurry” or “I don’t work here” or something dismissive. But when I turned and looked at the guy, he had a real sincerity about him that made my defenses go down. So I replied, “Sure.”

I thought he would ask me about an item in the store or about directions to a place in the neighborhood. But he didn’t. Instead, he inquired with a hint of sadness, “Why don’t people talk to each other anymore? How are we supposed to connect with one another? Everyone’s in their own little world.”

The two of us, this stranger and me, slipped into a quiet conversation at that Trader Joe’s about the relational challenges of modern life while pop music played over the speakers and other shoppers bustled around us. He teared up at one point, saying, “Sorry, I cry easily.”

After we’d parted ways and I’d finished my shop, I was rushing out the door when I spotted him again in the packed checkout aisle.

“Bye, Glen!” I shouted over the crowd. “Have a good day, Glen!”

Now he was the one who was startled, glancing around for the person who’d said his name. He saw it was me and his face lit up. The guy was so glad - even relieved - just to be seen.

***

After the nationwide No Kings protests on October 18th, there were some cynics out there saying that the protests served no real purpose, made no specific policy demands, and ultimately didn’t change anything so what was the point. But what if the purpose was simply to see and be seen? Isn’t that a kind of demand?

The politicians, judges, and pundits who are standing up to fascism were surely galvanized to see that our numbers had greatly increased since the No Kings in June. People around the world were surely heartened to see that the American citizens, for the most part, do not support the malignant narcissist-in-chief. And we were surely relieved to - once again - see one another.

I read a quote from a woman in Ohio that’d gone viral. She found herself crying at the sight of hundreds of people in her little town who’d gathered for No Kings. “I didn’t realize how much I needed to see other people wanting to fight for our country,” she wrote. “It’s been such a painful and frightening time. I really needed this.”

That relief was surely shared by many, whether or not they themselves marched that day. (I mean, can you imagine how extra terrifying this time would be if we didn’t see a steady stream of protests and visible acts of resistance?)

***

The deep need to be seen - and the relief that comes from finally being seen - are felt not only by individuals but by communities as well.

The LGBTQ pride festivities and flags say, “We are here - and have always been here - among you. See us.” The demands for accommodations by people with disabilities say, “Acknowledge our rights and our dignity. See us.” The phrase “Black Lives Matter” says, essentially, “See the violence that has long been perpetrated on us. See us.” The now ubiquitous phrase “me too” says, “I am one of many who has survived sexual assault. See us.” Any picket line of striking workers has always been a statement to both bosses and consumers: “See us.”

In this moment in 2025, the Epstein survivors, the children of Gaza, immigrants of color, and Americans waiting in food lines are all saying in their own way, “See us.”

Solidarity with any marginalized community or advocacy on their behalf says emphatically to those people, “You are seen.”

Eleven days before being elected mayor, Zohran Mamdani addressed Muslim New Yorkers in a powerful video message, assuring them that he sees them. He spoke about the overt Islamophobia from his opponents as well as the pervasive Islamophobia that Muslims are forced to endure on a daily basis, especially since 9/11. His message as a fellow Muslim ended with a promise, “I will not change the faith that I am proud to belong to. But there is one thing that I will change. I will no longer look for myself in the shadows. I will find myself in the light.”

***

In 2010, photographer Brandon Stanton began the Humans of New York blog, posting a photo of a New Yorker alongside a long quote from that person. The see-and-be-seen blog spread like wildfire, quickly garnering Stanton millions of followers, a best-selling book, and the inspiration to expand the project in a myriad of ways. Most recently, this epic endeavor culminated in the Dear New York community exhibit at Grand Central. For two weeks in October, millions of humans passed through there just to see gorgeous photos of other humans who live in their city.

In 2016, Amnesty International Poland took on another kind of see-and-be-seen artistic endeavor called “Look Beyond Borders.” They filmed individual refugees and Europeans sitting across from one another and simply looking into one another’s eyes and holding the gaze for a period of time. “We recorded these very human encounters and the short film speaks for itself,” the director said. (Morton Train readers, I highly recommend that you watch this powerful 5 minute video. Link below.)

Yes, the “Look Beyond Borders” project does speak for itself. It speaks to what we are all capable of: “The humanity in me sees the humanity in you.”

***

During this holiday season - whether at a Trader Joe’s or a protest march or a kitchen table or really anywhere at all - may we widen our capacity to see and be seen. And may we find some relief in that.

Peace,

E.M.

the Dear New York exhibit | Grand Central | October, 2025