the withness of solitude
“What a lovely surprise to discover how unlonely being alone can be.” — Ellen Burstyn
For the first 8 months of the pandemic, from March to November of 2020, I didn’t hug a single human being. This was particularly bizarre for me because I normally hug a lot of people, from strangers to loved ones, on a regular basis.
Abstaining from hugging and most human contact for that long period of time made me acutely aware of my relationship to solitude. I’d always enjoyed time alone and thrived on it in many ways, particularly as a seeker and artist. But this extreme bout of solitude was a different sort of opportunity.
I declared my home at the time, a Los Angeles casita in the backyard of a lovely family, to be my own little monastery. It became a sacred space for contemplation, work, and living. With me, myself, and I.
The folks who didn’t live alone during lockdown also experienced a shift in their relationship to solitude. They had to consciously seek it out in increments by taking a long drive, or going on a walk, or shutting themselves in a room with a “do not disturb” sign on the door. I had a few friends tell me that they ached for more solitude during those lockdown months.
It’s interesting to me how our society tends to frame solitude as being without someone else. In the same way it frames a single person as being without a spouse. In other words, solitude and singlehood are defined by the lack of something. The solitary person is often stigmatized as being incomplete.
What if solitude (and singlehood for that matter) were, instead, defined as being with one self? Isn’t the relationship to/with oneself the most important relationship in anyone’s life? Does that not demand time and attention like any other relationship?
The pandemic has awakened our hearts to so much that we once took for granted. Whether that’s hugging folks on a regular basis, enjoying a crowded table with friends and loved ones, or finding comfort and companionship in one’s own sweet company.
Wishing you and yourself some great time with solitude!
Fantastic!! T